The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
