We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
