I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
