you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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