summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize