Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
