I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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