Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
