Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
