I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Can you bring me the toilet please
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
