you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
