butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
