a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Come on in and take your pants off
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