Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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