wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
