Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
