just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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