and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
