we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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