11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
be right there i have to get my cape
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
