i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
