Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
