Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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