just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
