Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
