I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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