I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
