You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
