Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Randomize
