I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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