We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
