The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
