Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
