I cannot find my penis.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
