I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
