Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
