Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
