How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
