He asked to "fluff my boner.."
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
