You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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