There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
