My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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