just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
