The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
