Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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