My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
