My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
