I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Randomize
