We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
