her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
