I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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