I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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