I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
