I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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