he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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