"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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