how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
