i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
