I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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