I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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