Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
