I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
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