I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
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you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
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U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow