i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
