Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I puked a lego.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now