trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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