Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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