finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me