you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
