So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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