I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
