Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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