Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Randomize
