There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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