It's like a parade of train wrecks.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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