Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
