bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
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the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
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dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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