my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
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