I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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