He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
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I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
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I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
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