what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
lol hangovers are for mortals.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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