What did we do last night that was yellow?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
