An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
