Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
