i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Well I just put wine in my tea
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
