Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
