my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Randomize
